The Village Royce

Undefeated UFC champion Ronda Rousey is suffering from severe clitoral hypersensitivity, which is preventing her from being able to perform her signature armbar. The malady is forcing her to master a new move.

“It’s not funny,” exclaimed Rousey, as I laughed and pointed at her engorged, bulbous pubic region. “Anyway, now I’m working on my southpaw jab. Bruce Lee considered it the most important punch.”

When I asked Rousey why is she experiencing this she replied, “It’s probably cause I went over one round in my fight against Miesha Tate, and some rough masturbation.”

Many thought that Rousey had put her career at risk by not developing a balanced game. Until now Rousey had proved naysayers wrong by specializing in her hip toss and armbar combination. Now Rousey may lose it all at the pinnacle of her fight career.

“My doctor has prescribed a glucocorticoid to reduce inflammation,” Rousey said. “I’ve also started icing twice a day and wearing a cup to protect myself the rest of the day.”

“I’ve thought about other options,” added Rousey. “I may not have anything to offer outside of armbars. That’s why I’ve considered piercing my clitoris, but the girls at the salon said it’s 50-50. I may lose sensation, like I want, or it can heighten any unwanted pleasure.”

Ronda Rousey is known for having lots of sex before a fight and has a list of trusted men on the side.

“I’m worried this time,” boy toy Sam Sephardic intimated to me. “I usually look forward to her fights for the benefits, but she’s been using ice so much, and that’s part of my special move. I don’t think it’s going to work the way it usually does.”

Rousey is finding it hard to wear proper fitting clothes or practice jiu-jitsu due to the sensitivity, inflammation, and swelling.

“Honestly, this is devastating,” an anonymous stalker told us. “I loved watching her stick an arm between her legs.”

Image Credit: Rushmore


The Village Royce is an award-winning syndicated column that covers the latest in MMA rumors, upcoming events, couples’ sex toys, and Halloween outfits for dogs. It is published in over 2500 newspapers nationwide.